I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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