I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
