I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
