Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
