i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
