I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
