Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
