it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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