the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
