I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
