i need an iv and a liver transplant
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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