dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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