nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
