that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
