You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
