The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
love makes seman taste better
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
