After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
