When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
