Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
