Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
