Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
