How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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