I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
