Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
