i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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