I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
