Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
