how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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