sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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