I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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