Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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