you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
