I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
