He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this is an emotional support booty call
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
