you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
