I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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