true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
