I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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