I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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