Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
