last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
