Can i not drive my cunt home
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
