fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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