Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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