dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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