I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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