Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
