I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
