Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't deserve a penis
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
