We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
