I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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