No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
